Why Quarantine is the Perfect Time to Re-parent Yourself
Be hyper-aware of yourself during times of stress
2020 is stressful… You’re in forced isolation, your job doesn’t look like it used to, and you might not even know when you’ll get toilet paper! Everyone’s basic needs — physiological and safety — are being threatened and we don’t know for how long.
When we are under stress like this, we don’t act our best selves.
Old habits sneak through our filters, and current habits get a spotlight. Most people don’t like what happens when their stress self takes over, because the stress self is acting out of fear and taking the comfortable, fast way out.
Re-parenting is a Form of Self-Therapy
The psychological exercise called “re-parenting” is one of the hardest (but most important ) things you’ll ever do. If your parents modeled toxic behaviors, reacted harshly, or planted in you any kind of crappy self-talk, you absorbed it as a child.
Fast forward to adulthood, and unless you’ve already done conscious work to unlearn that, you either mimic toxic behaviors or still believe what your parents told you.
Our parents are our first teachers, but they acted from their own wounded space that left gaps in us. It’s not too late to revisit your childhood self and take matters in your own hands, undoing what was unknowingly done to you. You don’t even need to be under the guidance of a therapist to see some immediate improvements in your self-destructive behavior.
When you combine stress and quarantine…
Right now, all we have are our thoughts. You might be alone physically, but you are a collection of the past yous that live in your memory, in your self-talk, and in your actions.
If you were a child growing up without some needs met — either emotionally or through physical abuse — you have some trauma in your hierarchy of needs. This is only heightened by the pandemic.
Quarantine is a unique opportunity to consciously heal.
Practice within the safety of your own 4 walls, then emerge from quarantine a new self, ready to take it “live.”
Everyone is capable of re-parenting
First, use this quiet time to notice your thoughts.
When does your anxiety arise? When do your “shoulds” take up your mind? When do you react to your children in the same ways your parents reacted to you?
Then, identify what voice is yours and what voice is your parents’.
If a thought feels unpeaceful, there may be an old memory that’s sticking or you’re mimicking some behaviors that you haven’t unlearned yet. When you think “I’m not doing my best,” were you always expected to overachieve? If you have a compulsion to always be busy, were you allowed to fully rest on the couch? Has a voice ever said “I’m going to stay up as late as I want because I can now!” but you grew up with a strict bedtime?
The last step is the work:
Talk to yourself using the maturity you’ve gained over the years to undo those old voices.
If you are 40 now and you were told a belief at age 6 that really impacted you, your now-in-control 40-year-old-self can actually help that 6-year-old. “I’m not doing my best” can turn into “I see that you’re really trying, and I’m proud of you for that.” “I need to always be busy” can turn into “You’re being hard on yourself. You’ve accomplished so much today. Let’s make a plan for tomorrow.” “I’m going to stay up as late as I want” can turn into “We need 8 hours of sleep to be alert and healthy. Let’s read a book before bed to wind down.”
Give yourself the permission to heal
Re-parenting is giving back to ourselves; permission to feel whole. Use re-parenting to open yourself up to newfound confidence and freedom from what has limited you since childhood.
It’s an act of kindness, to reassure the frustrated fragile part of yourself. The past can get in the way of a good life. Show up every day for yourself, just as a healthy parent would do.
You’re an expert at what you need.
